I’m Jack’s sense of impending doom.

When I wake up I put Jack’s life on standby.

Today I woke up and it was there. Talking to me from inside my own ears, whispering like a gossipy little weasel. “But what if it goes wrong? What do we do then?”
It came out of nowhere, like it always does, annoying little shit, making a list of everything that could possibly go wrong.
But today was a good day, I was able to tell it to shut up, got up and continued with my day.

Will I be able to do that tomorrow? Or will it win and my life will be put on hold momentarily? Who knows! Stay tuned for the next exciting episode!
So yeah, art, video, technological self-doubt and ineptitude with video editing programs are the order of the day. Come join me in my journey of self-taught video filming and editing, it will be fun! (Well, not fun, but possibly funny due to all the fail that is certain to happen along the way)

So, as you know, this assuming you’ve read a little bit of this blog, I draw and paint and a lot of other similar things, and I sell my work online, I also study the basics of drawing and arts in general because I never went to art school so at my very tender 30somes I’m tackling on the basics of anatomy drawing and other musings. Exhibit A:


This is just the tip of the iceberg I have a lot of other drawings already made of several other body parts. That looks weirder typed down than it did in my head.

I’ve been thinking about making time lapses of me drawing and painting some stuff, easy thing to do, I thought to myself, not having a clue of what I was talking about. Now I’m trying to learn video editing and general filmmaking. It’s always like that man, I start with one thing and it leads to another one and then I’m awake at 2 am wondering why I’m googling audio editing tutorials on adobe audition. Fun times. (No, really, that’s my real idea of fun, no sarcasm there).

In the meantime, I’m buying stuff instead of selling it, awesome (all the sarcasm there).

You see, when you start anew in something you find yourself needing new stuff for the stuff you want to start doing, like this little fellow over here, it’s an “octopus” which is weird, it has 3 legs not eight but ok.


It’s meant to hold my phone camera in place while I point it to film stuff on the go. Now, this will fall on its face holding anything heavier than a phone so now I’m waiting for a bigger “octopus” for the dslr. See? Stuff just piles on, it’s pretty shocking.

On the bright side, I can focus on a few things:

1.-Rain stopped at least for today, so literally it is the bright side for a while, I was starting to think we’d grow gills. Haven’t been able to go outside or do a batch of laundry for a week (washing machine is outside and we are primitive cavemen who hang their clothes to dry in the sun, never got a dryer).

2.-My husband is kickass and did an amazing job on our roof by getting it waterproofed a few months ago so now we are dry, cozy and warm inside our leak free little home. And let me tell you this is good, because it went form 90°F to 58°F in a second, I’m freezing, is not even funny.

3.-I have toxic mushrooms.

Now, wait. I know what you are thinking; “What? How is that a good thing? WTF…”

Well I’m weird, I like fungi, a lot. It fascinates me ever since our third grade teacher taught us about the mineral, animal, vegetal and fungi “kingdoms” (I’m also old, we called them kingdoms back then), I was like “You mean mushrooms are not plants? Wait, are they animals? NO? WHATARETHEY!” Fungi, they are their own freaky thing. I Love them.

I have mushrooms in my habanero baby potted plants. They just spawned there and just noticed them yesterday. I even made an Instagram post, because why not.
They are going to have to go though, we have ferrets and I don’t trust my youngest daughter not to eat them. So, that’s sad. Still thinking of places to relocate them in the backyard since my kids are more indoors oriented, but we’ll see.

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Yeah. I know. Believe me I know what it looks like. We’ll just pretend is not obvious. It’s for the best.

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Tiny and covered in dew. Their scientific name is Leucocoprinus birnbaumii, also known as Lepiota lutea. Flowerpot parasol.

4.- My paper got here. Yes! It is beautiful, it is soft, it is all mine. I’m getting submerged in work for the next few days between the drawing, the painting, the filming and editing. That will take my mind off things. That will silence “it”.


Do you fight “it”? Is it cyclic like mine? Do you tell it to shut up and try to carry on with your plans?

Do you know you are not alone? Because you are not. Tell it to shup up. Yell at it if you must.

Just don’t let it have the last word.

It does not deserve the last word.

~ Martha Idalhí.